February 2, 2021
It's been said that birth labor is the most pain one can experience. I believe it was said to be equivalent to the breaking of twenty six bones at once. In my experience that isn't true.
This emotional pain of the recent loss of my youngest daughter - thirty years of memories abruptly interrupted is, by far, more excruciating than words can ever express - my heart hurts even more for the abrupt interruption of memories for her children.
When she was young, she went missing and we fought hard to find her and bring her home. This was long before MMIW. It is one reason why we have expressed passion about Missing and Murdered relatives over the years and the seriousness of it. Today, we are at a loss as we find ourselves seeking answers yet again.
Truth will eventually reveal itself but first let me share this truth. Hear me loud and clear.
I am here to tell you that she was so much more than just "woman" or "woman lying in road" as stated by previously mentioned article.
SHE belonged to this land. She was M'kothecua. She was bear clan. She was beautiful, talented, kind, generous, funny. She was a fighter, a survivor, a daughter, grand daughter, niece, a sister, an auntie and a mother and she will NEVER cease because she was born of a living love which is so strong, it exceeds generations and time.
I, alone, accompanied her as an infant to that place she received her real name by her great-grandmother. I, alone, accompanied her body back to that same place, to return to the land near her great-grandmother. Just as the first time - to be greeted, assisted and received by supportive loved ones.
I am beyond grateful that, of all the people in the world, throughout all of time, I was the one who was blessed with the absolute honor of being the mother of such an incredible, beautiful being.
I love you. I love you. I love you Skye. Thank you for all you have given us. You have given us so much.
I love you Skye no tag backs.
For you, a thousand times over.
I had said my heart has been shattered into pieces, some of which I will never get back. As excruciating as her absence may be in this lifetime, this is not the end. A piece of my heart is now over there dancing with those ancestors, now forever safe from the reaches of colonial violence. They can't hurt you anymore my love.
To the mothers and fathers who have shared pain of child loss, my heart has felt for you as I've watched you express yourselves over the years. Unbeknownst, some I have shed tears with from afar.
The compassion selflessly extended to us by extended family and friends in our time of need, along with the love, strength and resilience I've witnessed in each of you parents with a piece of your hearts also dancing over there - these are what I carry with me to face each day as well as the recent words of my uncles:
"Tomorrow is a gift that One has given us. It's brand new. No one else has walked around in it and with each sun rise, you will find the strength to stand again".
Tepwe. Truth. There is work to be done.